i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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