At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
