Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
