Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
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Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
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you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
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