I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
