its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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