I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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