I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
