i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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