yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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