Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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