I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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