dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
