Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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