The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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