I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
