As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
