I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
