I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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