Who did Billy Mays play for?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
