I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
