Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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