she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
