I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
