do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
