I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
