I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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