no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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