When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
