Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize