Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
