____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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