I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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