New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
