her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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