i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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