I cannot find my penis.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
