$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The struggles of a small town man whore
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
