i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
