I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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