Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
