I think my fart just growled at me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
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Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
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I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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