Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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