I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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