Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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