life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
