Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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