It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
