Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
