I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
