I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
