We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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