Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
