At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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