hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
