i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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