can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
