Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
