Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
