i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
