I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
