What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
