what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
