no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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